all my dreams

when i think of your smile
the way your lips crinkle your cheeks and your
eyes get that serious mischief each time you see me.
the way your words climb the roots of my heart and twirl upward
into my dreams and float down on my upturned hands
waiting for yours to fill them.

when i think of you, my love, when i am not thinking of you
your shoulders creep into the corners of my future
and my back longs for your chest behind it.
when i dream of nothing i always see you there,
playing a character i didn't know was you until the end
right before i woke up
back here
in my bed.
at home.
with you from so far away.

but always, you are all my dreams.

blatant disregard

we all think we have a shred
of control. we know it's impossible to
cling
regain
have.
but the shroud that covers our reality
let's us sit more comfortably
in the idea
that we have one
solitary bit of it that no one can take.

this falsified notion clouds our thinking
just enough to make the mundane everyday palatable.

then something happens that tears the shroud and pulls the cataracts out
to show
we can not protect ourselves, our loved ones, our fellow bus riders or strangers at the mall.
we are all a part of the lie
because on the other side of this darkness stands truth.
that we are our own solution.
and we have been given the tools to love,
to show regard and investment in our fellow humans.
for this blatant lack of interest in anyone beyond our own pain will be our undoing.

the world can hear it, because it is inside you.
we are all here together.
stand with me now,
fear and truth hold hands with love.

glacier

watch me crack
watch in silent fascination
as my core breaks
into millions of pieces from the deep.
waters churning that have been dormant for
an age.

watch me.
crevices recently memorized
no longer familiar
as they
disappear behind the
new faces
and they go too.

how quickly an eon
can extinct. with so few observers
in it's home.

nature. or grace.
both.

have it all

sometimes I dream of a place
where
you and I
exist
while also
existing
here.
it makes me sad to realize upon waking that we cannot have both.
for when we are together we are no longer ourselves
but us.
and then it makes me happy to realize
we can be both.

upon waking, I realize.

for the time is now

forgive me for my fears they speak
so loudly in all I do
right now
this outburst it isn't me
that you see
but my night terrors
so dark
I can only cling to the scrap of
light
furthest away I can see
that they might in fact, be untrue.

you are real.
so am I.
we.
but the distance and newness makes all this
goodness seem a figment of my imagination
most unkind
rather than the purest truth I have known;
part of me that I met
with you.

venture further with me down this path of unknowing and hold my hand.
we will let go as we find ourselves in this bigger painting,
all the paths we must take alone
as they are part of who we are separate,
joined.

I am learning.
be patient with this new love, my love.
draw a space for me
right next to fear
and be assured
I will choose love every time.
synonym:
LIFE.

I miss you

but not in the way that makes my tears
stream unrelenting because my sadness has taken over my vision.

I miss you
but not in the way that makes all my
sentences
end with an unspoken lackluster for
living without you
in my every moment.

I miss you
but not in the way that the loss of your
face found by my
searching eyes
at the smallest turn of the head
solves all my cares.

I miss you
in the way that says
part of me
is in you
because you discovered it.
and I am yours to keep, like that
secret cave
from your childhood wonder
that you were sure no one else had ever found.

because I am not lost in you.
I am more whole.

I miss you.
in the way of
home.

on a wire

they sit so still
those forms above me
sing silent from my soul
piece because I am part of their ability my disadvantage their loss.
we oppose and present so beautifully
these flighted creatures while
I may fly only inside
and it is me who is the caged
and they who are the singers
and I am one with listening and gawking
at their calling and responding
and enraptured
I crane
to see their beautiful forms above me.

birds on a wire.