so over this.

if i leave something 

I know

for something 

I want

but don't 

know 

exists

it makes me feel, toes curled over the lip of the board, staring into my own reflection 

hesitating

that I don't fully want to live. 

that I would rather wait til I am forced off or pushed in. 

but I am so over this,

waiting for...the rest of my life. 

it is within me. 

I jump. 

human

what if

we could all be just

a little bit better

at

being human 

?

what if

i just spent a moment

every day

being a

better human

?

what if

being human

was seen as

positive over

the negative

so often associated

with the thought

?

we are SO powerful. 

 

i can be much better,

to better humanity.

healing what you needed to hear.

sometimes you just need to hear a strong, comforting voice say

"IT'S OK, YOU- YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!! 

you're trying! 

you're engaging with life- with hard situations, with the twists and turns you encounter.  

and you're climbing 

up and over 

the obstacles and weaving in the learning. 

you're doing a good job at figuring out how to love. 

that's what matters. 

you're in the thick of it, and it's gonna be ok."

and sometimes you just have to say it to

yourself, 

she says, 

crying as she types. 

realizing what she needed to hear.

healing,

from a strong, comforting voice. 

her own.

new day

just before midnight the clock strikes new and another moment

the one right before the end

is born. 

full of opportunity and grace and hope 

that the day will not set with you stuck in it. 

just before morning the sun prepares to share it's glory

with the world

one more time and you see

in the grey

the moment born new

full of promise and openness and life

in the eyes of all who eagerly anticipate the

sun's arrival. 

just before the moment you loose hope. 

you have one more moment to regain 

your footing. 

your spirit.

 

the clock strikes. 

the sun rises.

new day again. 

thanks be to god.  

Still.

I miss you

More than I would think was possible

From our

Brief

Time

Together. 

I miss you

Still

And the moments it hits me

Raw

And bus crying is where your memories find me and my broken heart. 

Oh Simon, maybe my grief will push your healing

And I can once again experience a light like you brought into my life. 

Until then, I will probably miss you just as badly. 

This hole in a heart newly affected. 

If you could figure out

Why you're crying would it then justify?

If you could reason your emotions into the ground 

Would it by default make decisions for others as well?

If you could argue for the change you're embarking on in the darkness

Would the groves of the answers be lit for your eyes searching?

If you could make the past disappear 

Would you be who you are?

None of these are a solve. None of these enough to stop you from trying. 

Trying in the first place. 

The turnout is not the ambition after all, it seems. 

Education in living richly- to love!

Middle of the path

Wheelbarrows churn down into the groves

A path they know well

No surprises

At least they know they're in control of their burdens.

The road stretches before them

When

All of a sudden

Flowers!

Pop right up in front of the wheel. 

Screech to a halt 

Investigate 

Find delight, multiplicity and compliment

Waiting just inside the bunch.

Wheelbarrows squeak on again

This time, their attention on the flowers

Riding home.