sway

the hum surrounds

and whisper quiet air drifts down

as we all sway with our seats. 

tracks made by us all as we go

away

from something and 

towards

something else. 

memories shush silent

can be heard in the 

eyes of your fellow

traveler. 

as you all sway to the past

and the future

in limbo

on the

train.

tonight too soon.

I knew it was going to be hard

the day has just come too quickly. 

where I sit in the echo of the last hug

the wake of the conversation

we had 

full 

of all kinds of 

goodbyes.

so badly the urge to 

shove the emptiness away

simply pick up the phone and make a call

I will regret 

made of words and feelings from past versions of myself. 

it is as Lamott says

"butt in chair. shitty first draft."

and as much as tears are on the precipice, the laugh overcomes it. 

for this too is temporary. 

I am learning.

this is most of life. 

love surrounds,

including 

the future.

tonight is just right. 

so over this.

if i leave something 

I know

for something 

I want

but don't 

know 

exists

it makes me feel, toes curled over the lip of the board, staring into my own reflection 

hesitating

that I don't fully want to live. 

that I would rather wait til I am forced off or pushed in. 

but I am so over this,

waiting for...the rest of my life. 

it is within me. 

I jump. 

human

what if

we could all be just

a little bit better

at

being human 

?

what if

i just spent a moment

every day

being a

better human

?

what if

being human

was seen as

positive over

the negative

so often associated

with the thought

?

we are SO powerful. 

 

i can be much better,

to better humanity.

healing what you needed to hear.

sometimes you just need to hear a strong, comforting voice say

"IT'S OK, YOU- YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!! 

you're trying! 

you're engaging with life- with hard situations, with the twists and turns you encounter.  

and you're climbing 

up and over 

the obstacles and weaving in the learning. 

you're doing a good job at figuring out how to love. 

that's what matters. 

you're in the thick of it, and it's gonna be ok."

and sometimes you just have to say it to

yourself, 

she says, 

crying as she types. 

realizing what she needed to hear.

healing,

from a strong, comforting voice. 

her own.

new day

just before midnight the clock strikes new and another moment

the one right before the end

is born. 

full of opportunity and grace and hope 

that the day will not set with you stuck in it. 

just before morning the sun prepares to share it's glory

with the world

one more time and you see

in the grey

the moment born new

full of promise and openness and life

in the eyes of all who eagerly anticipate the

sun's arrival. 

just before the moment you loose hope. 

you have one more moment to regain 

your footing. 

your spirit.

 

the clock strikes. 

the sun rises.

new day again. 

thanks be to god.  

Still.

I miss you

More than I would think was possible

From our

Brief

Time

Together. 

I miss you

Still

And the moments it hits me

Raw

And bus crying is where your memories find me and my broken heart. 

Oh Simon, maybe my grief will push your healing

And I can once again experience a light like you brought into my life. 

Until then, I will probably miss you just as badly. 

This hole in a heart newly affected.