clock's kiss

the clock ran out
my last has come
and i've known it.
what did i do to make this haiku
of my life as amazing as i felt it?

the seethe has quieted and my soul is still
weightless for once and forever.
what comes next i have no idea

pure love.


how then i feel i have so much left to do in this dirty world?
where grime and much pain abound as freely as dandelion seeds on a breeze.
why would i hold on, say, "i'm not done yet- NO!"
for
one
simple
kiss?

the times i have thought of this are many
times i have been asked what i would do if i knew my clock?
never.
but i would want to hold on, for one kiss.  so that i can know.  
what it is like on the other side.




"as i went down in the river to pray 
studying about that good old way
and who shall wear the starry crown
good lord, show me the way

sinners let's go down,
let's go down, come on down,
o sinners let's go down,
down in the river to pray "

-down in the river to pray: hymn.

if i could build a wall

it would implode upon itself
so
slowly
moss would start to grow
and flowers would take root
springing up here and there
and every neglected place.
in the wall's stead would rest
a garden so unimaginably quaint and flourishing
even i wouldn't recognize it.

the wall would be broken and left to surprise and delight would be nothing
but beauty.



as i break down my wall
this moss creeps in.
and it is lovely.

Ass

We breathe
As He breathes
The ass on the road with this heavy load
One he did not expect. 
Thinking grass and leisure were his lot
Instead besot
With a rider, nay two, and journey with no telling when he would be stopped. 
Arriving was as anti-climatic as could be, for though the load diminished, the burden still he couldn't shake. These others he did not know, their smells unfamiliar and unwelcoming. He just wanted to go home, even if he had to go all the way back, with all the stoping and starting and gasps and concern. This was not his place, this was not his night and certainly not his grass. 

But then the noises ceased and a new one started. He couldn't tell what that baby wanted, but it wasn't feeling too fond of the straw, the ass knew that. Maybe if they put it somewhere more comfortable. You know, like, not in my manger, maybe if you held it he would stop hollering. 

Then the noise got worse instead of better!  For though the baby quieted down, the others started arriving. First the innkeeper, telling them to keep it down out there and not disturb all the paying guests, for heavens sake. Then these sheep herders, and MAN did they reek!  Brought some of their livestock with em and they weren't friendly either. Bleating and messing up the place even worse!  The people seemed happy to receive them though, after the herders told them what they'd seen. Whatever the reason, I wish they'd quiet down about it, the ass mumbles to himself. Come back tomorrow, I'm SURE we'll still be here. 

And then. Oh no then that was not even the end.  More men came. Now these, they smelled ok, like travel, but at least they had tried to cover it up with extravagant perfumes. Oh wait no, they left them here. Odd. Ok well at least they only insisted upon staying the one night, lord knows there wasn't enough room for them all.  

Ahh.  Peace and quiet now. Maybe I can finally drift off....nope. There goes that baby again. Man for being so tiny you'd think he wouldn't be so loud. Feed that baby, mamma. And please don't put him back in my manger. I might as well eat too now that I'm awake. His breathing rhythms and mine does too. The ass on Christmas morning. 

When you never let go

Once upon a time you thought you were the most honest, the bigger (wo)man
And so you went ahead with what you felt obligated to do, out of integrity.
Then you saw everything you had dealt with silently for years come crashing down into your face.
You felt horrible, you felt low; felt downright regretful for the first time in your life.

But what can you do when once upon a time is gone by and some of the things you said were true? And the only thing you regret about saying it is that you didn't say enough? Or in the right way? What if what you want is still of honesty, integrity, but the only way to get it is to go back into the future and go deeper? In order to go farther. Or at least walk alongside each other on the highway, across the double yellow line? Respecting but not expecting. Is that possible?

Once upon a time you made a decision.
The great thing about this life is that you can always make a different decision next time.
The great thing and the worst.
Oh what should I choose now?

body together

His body
broken for me
His body.

The place we are all
in together. His body
broken for me
We
are all
broken
together.

If

If we could see you then, after the mist
Has dissipated and you are revealed for what you don't present
If we could
We would be blown
Into the next
Phase of ourselves in which we are more like that
And less like dirt.
But you made us from this
And we show it.

If we could pretend that the sky was where you are
And heaven is a place
Then
Then we could see ourselves there.
As it is, trickiness shrouds the possibility
Nay
Certainty that you surround us always everywhere
To praise your name eternally need not be for someday, when we have no other interests that tug on our souls.
It should be for today.
If
If we could see you.

Live so small

Oh we live so small
To see the face you bring
Ring
Show the bell who's boss.
Oh we love so small
He left the coins
With me in charge and what
What will he come back to see
Created in his name!

This is the shame of our name
For he left us with his and we shrouded it
In a bag set in the dark, dusty corner waiting
Waiting for his safe return.
To show off
Our tiny love.
We have kept it hidden so well so secure
That he cannot even tell it is his.

Lord.
Let us love bigger than the Small. Legs and arms and messy hair filled up with the abundance of Grace we cannot
Hold.
Love so big to live inside of.