believer

you believed in me
when
i
couldn't
wouldn't

didn't

believe in myself.


the way your heart reaches out to caress mine
with encouragement
in the
form
of incredulity,
the way your voice goes
high
at the end of
your exclamations!
of sincerity in
The Truth About Who You Are, Melissa.

as you tell me my story,
the lens
focused
and
practiced
in your steady hands,
i feel treasured.
you see me.  the me
i didn't even tell you
the me i just am
and think i so cleverly
hide
from prying spotlights and
agendas out to tear me down.
you see right through the barricade
of
thorns
and
roses
and sparklers!
and puppies
all in motion and beauty
(look over here! over here!)

to the
quiet
of me
that you have seen since you first laid eyes on me
and i
can't
won't

don't

want to do it without you.

join me in my truth, dear love.
i see you back.

fly

but this is so much different from what

everyone else tells me, responds with.

i am not sure that this is even the 

best thing for my

weak heart

i can't take it.

because of that, i am sure it is.

fly melissa, she says

what do we have left if we hoard our

hearts?

is that what life is about?

saving the scraps?  getting something back?

shoot, it's the experience

stop trying to figure out what everything is for and

be in it.

making everything just so, so right and so purposeful for 

what you do not know

like the leaves growing upward on a tree, defying the odds of smidgets and winks of sun

pushing to live, taking any little bit they can

i should not be so afraid of living with my heart outside my chest.  seem so confident but too

scared. 

my friend sandra says

no no no

it is much better

to fly

than to doubt.

and she is righter than i have ever been.

the coop holds no promises

but then

neither does the sun.

brazen colors

life is in my face right now.

i am hyper-sensitive to it,

to it all

it seems.

the colors are brilliant

blatant

brazen

bold and bright

beautiful.

borderline 

bodacious.

conversations infused with life and meaning and things i never saw before.

understanding permeates sentences i have overlooked.

zingers shoot from the fingers of thoughts i hear in a tense i could not comprehend before,

before.

before the you of today shoved them in front of my eyes, up my nose and into my gaping mouth.

pleasant and disturbing all at once.

the love you have for me in every moment shows itself clearly at every opportunity. i can see.

i can see!

i see you!

i see something of what you see!

the life you promised.  the pain i have felt before, the beauty and the ugly intermingling to create this reality of a day.  every day.  but then i see something new.

and it

it

is 

you.

in a aqua hue i have never lived in,

until now.

let me grab it with 

the

vim

and

vigor

.

that i do with everything else.

some do not understand

the way my heart is made.  the way i am.

but then.

they do and i just have never let them say

my heart

say

what i am to them.

for my heart is blatent.

my heart is bold.

brazen and beautiful.

this heart you have crafted in me father?

it is

it is

is

the love

that 

you 

have 

for 

me.

aqua hues i have never seen, never lived.

i

love

living

you.

let it be so, and let it be so.