believer

you believed in me
when
i
couldn't
wouldn't

didn't

believe in myself.


the way your heart reaches out to caress mine
with encouragement
in the
form
of incredulity,
the way your voice goes
high
at the end of
your exclamations!
of sincerity in
The Truth About Who You Are, Melissa.

as you tell me my story,
the lens
focused
and
practiced
in your steady hands,
i feel treasured.
you see me.  the me
i didn't even tell you
the me i just am
and think i so cleverly
hide
from prying spotlights and
agendas out to tear me down.
you see right through the barricade
of
thorns
and
roses
and sparklers!
and puppies
all in motion and beauty
(look over here! over here!)

to the
quiet
of me
that you have seen since you first laid eyes on me
and i
can't
won't

don't

want to do it without you.

join me in my truth, dear love.
i see you back.

fading into new

as this once i thought i knew

is coming unfurled and all things

new

i am shown to be forever true

to what

i do not know.

for just then i think i have shown it too.

allegiance to my skin

this sheen i was born in

but never can quite fit

upon this frame of face and heart that shifts

so quickly i cannot catch it.

burn me up and inside out

for all this life i shan't comprehend 

the beauty that lies within.

these souls He has shaped.

el sunza

as i venture farther away from you

and back into the depths of the shallows

of my life before you

i feel the force of your love beckoning me

my heart

to stay.

i recall so vividly

what i could not see until i was far away from you

in another place, the spin cycle of a washing machine life i know now

that part of my soul that america has muted 

was heard by you, turned up! and validated into being

for the beings there live the way

i was created to

crave to

feel most myself in.

this life of people and simplicity and trash in the streets and lawns and love.

you are grasped in my open palm

beating

el sunza.

fluid motion

the surface of promise stretches

the length of this lane,

all of them.

i come here, to this place of calm

twice daily.

not always the same location, but the same place.

it is in my soul that i have missed

making space for an element i often neglect

for rubble stands in my path

and vague self-conscious reasoning echos in my head the busyness of the daily joe

throw

yourself into your 

work.argument.traffic.errands.lonliness.endlesse-mails

.gasolineprices.

and not the static calm of this place

this water

this being that envelops me and welcomes me back again.

nice to have you, it says.

don't you want to stay?

become a fish?  well

ok

yes

habit.

all you have to do is get in.

brazen colors

life is in my face right now.

i am hyper-sensitive to it,

to it all

it seems.

the colors are brilliant

blatant

brazen

bold and bright

beautiful.

borderline 

bodacious.

conversations infused with life and meaning and things i never saw before.

understanding permeates sentences i have overlooked.

zingers shoot from the fingers of thoughts i hear in a tense i could not comprehend before,

before.

before the you of today shoved them in front of my eyes, up my nose and into my gaping mouth.

pleasant and disturbing all at once.

the love you have for me in every moment shows itself clearly at every opportunity. i can see.

i can see!

i see you!

i see something of what you see!

the life you promised.  the pain i have felt before, the beauty and the ugly intermingling to create this reality of a day.  every day.  but then i see something new.

and it

it

is 

you.

in a aqua hue i have never lived in,

until now.

let me grab it with 

the

vim

and

vigor

.

that i do with everything else.

some do not understand

the way my heart is made.  the way i am.

but then.

they do and i just have never let them say

my heart

say

what i am to them.

for my heart is blatent.

my heart is bold.

brazen and beautiful.

this heart you have crafted in me father?

it is

it is

is

the love

that 

you 

have 

for 

me.

aqua hues i have never seen, never lived.

i

love

living

you.

let it be so, and let it be so.