Saturday, July 26, 2008


as july comes
to a close
sit and stare
at the days we have

let slip by
into the empty promises
oh july!
how i long for your return whilst
i am still in your

the way you have shown
me life, shown me patience.
to share the grace
and your wit.

slip in the celebration of the everyday.
at the last
possible i
this way has everything i could ever have. it is full
to the brink .
freakishly fantastic.

will you show me again?
before next year?

Friday, July 11, 2008

why is it?

why is it...

that the worst happens at the best times?

that you notice the flowers on days it is convenient for you?

that this lifetime is always about endings and beginings and adjusting?

when you love and give and empty yourself of what you have to give, it is not enough to get what you think you want?

when you speak up, just honestly communicate with someone it is seen as brave and a rarity instead of a choice and put on a pedestal?

why do people kill people with their hands and with their words?
why do i let my stress get the better of me and snip at people when love says i should respond in grace, outside myself?
why is it ok to talk each other down from doing something right because it is hard?


Tuesday, July 1, 2008


hello great big world and all sorts of people reading this. hello.
i am writing this today to let you know i have just figured something out: someday, one day, i will be my parents. yours too. i will be a parent whose child knows them as "mom", not "melissa", which will be very strange and wonderful and hard and fun and growing and demanding and new. mostly new. i wonder if you ever really get used to the reality of having people whose lives you have been entrusted with, whose well being and education are top priority, manners and knowledge of the world at large come from you? this responsibility is huge, the magnitude of which i cannot even grasp. to be given this gift, this job of raising a person to care about the state of their neighbors, the environment they live in, about the choices they make and how they affect everyone and everything around them. raising someone who grows and evolves and knows through and through that the person they are is just wonderful, that the gifts they have been given are like no one other person on this earth, that they can give of their talents and passions and change their areas of influence. that their voice will be heard if they want it to be, because they are yours. and you will do whatever it takes to see them succeed in life. whatever that means, whatever that looks like, but that they would embrace their soul. isn't that what it means to be a parent? to love? that i will be a parent and known as such will be very different. the role is unlike any other, and has unmatched challenges. you give and give and give for years and then maybe someday, when she is 22 she might think of me as "melissa" as well as "mom".

today is my parents, dave and brynda's, 36th wedding anniversary. it is an occasion marked with joy and peace and comfort and memories and thankfulness and hope. a day marked, that changes my mind just a little more about who they are every year. and i wonder, do my parents know how much i love them? how much i adore their selflessness? i mean i can tell them until i am blue in the face, but do they really know? the time that they gave me, the patience and love, an environment that wasn't protected from the harsh reality of life but was sheltered from the things they deemed unnecessary to our growth. they were right and wrong. they are people. just like me. enjoy your anniversary mom and dad, brynda and dave! i love you for being you, an older me.