fuzzy

when you are loose so am i

who is it i have become in this evening, this time of less remembering?

memories that will not fade for me, but perhaps they will for you.

oh the odd freedom i feel, though clearly it is not i who has partaken

but i know this feeling

have felt it many times before with anyone who has

and it is strange that i should have shed the inhibitions yet

i have had none of what you have.

oh, we have switched places: you are the one talking loudly and about a myriad of subjects or at least one and quite in depth, ok or at least breadth, and it is i who has moved into the realm of bossiness and silliness and riskiness.

that is a lot of other ness' that i don't normally let out.

let go

to be

and embrace these thoughts of loose tongue.

why?

because i am always the designated one

because i have made sure i am

i don't want to miss this lesson.

not at your expense, but for my own benefit.

i am selfish, really, if you think about it.

to be free and no one will remember what i say

except me.

well, and god. but i think he likes it.

disrupted

i am not lonely yet we are not fanciful or starry eyed

this disruption is not too far away, in fact it is right in my face

see the look in my soul?

the window floats open on hinges always oiled

during the meeting i could tell you were coming

i knew the ground had shifted

how, i couldn't tell you

but then it surely had.

forever i have waited for this distinction

for words to come and go and be and be just so

that i do not know what they are

but that the truth must be spoken and if it is of the past present future the only thing that matters is that they are said

and in real time

not alone and sadly but with others who have not learned how to avoid patience having

and who listen and are with each other during everything. during life.

this disrupted notion is not contrived or a motion to move to a new place, new station

merely a grand scheme to move my contrite heart out of the cold and into the heat of the day

out of the shadows of just ho-hum and focus in the eye of the lens at the sun and risk my sight and my shutter and

disrupt.

as i have been

disrupted.

make the muscles of my face

grin.

again.

make me do it again.

this laughter that spills out

the anticipation of the next moment...

i have never been good at keeping secrets

and i can't keep this one.

all will know i wrote that, drew a line that looked like a cat when i meant to form a monkey

but it's ok

it's fine

a perfect evening was never had

but the muscles in my face

are stronger

as is the laughter in my soul.

so thank you friendsandstrangers

my cheer is due to you.

alphabet soup

fraught forlorn

eyes enter

near now

towards together.

yea, yell

mountains made

kids kairos

beauty besot.

stolen secrets

picture possession

laughter lightly

held higher.

awaken ardent

woeful wetness

crime committed

gregarious generosity.

fresh faces

and just like that

the night goes from

sad and pitiful

to understood and shared.

even though we haven't

spoken of what is on my

mind.

being with

with

with.

a friend like you.

new

and old.

always kind and forever

ready to understand...

makes this dark ache

go to another place

where

i am not staying.

you have taken me

from myself

and given me

you. streams of gratitude.

cold

if this is the way

of your cold finger

cold ear.

turn it away from me.

all that i have given and

all that i don't deserve,

all because i didn't want

you to be alone.

i can tell sometimes

you are afraid when

you're alone.

but there is a difference

between being along by

choice and being alone

because you cannot be with

others.

i think you have taken

the latter and made it

your reason.

but we both know

you are never alone.

and that is why you

are giving me the cold

shoulder. you don't want to see.

bedtime

amidst the laughter and the glances

music and the pain of close but not close enough just yet

we sit

and eat pancakes and wonder

'is this the way we make friends?'.

i have said often i speak more than i listen and i have

said

it

often.

lord.

make my ear one quick to listen

my heart a sponge for those i am around

make my arm a resting place for the weary

and this worthless back useful to carry those whose burdens outweigh them.

as a finger of you, god, let me lighten let me push

the corners of the frown into a hopeful glance.

make me a friend, father. one who truly jumps at the opportunity to BE with those that need to be WITHed.

i am anxious without you, and with you. i am heavy with the danger of letting my small mouth make the biggest blunder of all

by saying so much

that i fail to say anything

of love

of silence

of listening.

let's get together, yeah yeah yeah. why don't you and i combine?