Friday, December 11, 2015


the tearing of my heart
goes whoosh
as all my air is taken and briefly I forget to do even the most basic
during this moment of realization crashing upon realization. 
seeing reality, isn't that the definition?
it hits me and I am deflated momentarily, 
frozen in fear of the pain I am about to experience. the inevitable sucking of life's beauty in sparkle and brightness and cheer. I know it will come back, I am not afraid of that; it's just that the valley always seems
than the last time I was here
when it comes to loosing love. 

for my heart can withstand this, it's not fear of never regaining love in my life, it is the grief of loosing this particular love, that 
the sobs emitting from my mouth
muting the words I try so gallantly to 
sing with as I process. 
the tears running down my face
remind me of you again as I watched you cry them earlier and I think
even that will not happen again. 

one small death, one small goodbye, over and over again. 

until there are no more. and eventually 
the valley is not all I walk in
but there are trees and sunshine and I can remember the beauty in you and in us
without having to wring in my breath and submit to the darkness again. 
because the love I lost with you
was once and not now. 
the whoosh turns out to be time moving again. 

and so I go 

Friday, November 6, 2015

face it

this fear that you have let
make the calls
and the decisions too
shows up finally on your doorstep
asking if this is all you wanted. 
face it now, you've stolen time long enough
and it's just time, all made up.
tell me and the fear what 
you know deep inside 
can't live so planted over anymore.
show us how much truth you want to live
dug up
for the sun to shine.

this news isn't new but it's freshly cultivated and solid
because you know this is your heart
that even though the person is wonderful
he wants
what you want. 

and you go forward 
into that bright light
by way of the valley
steps sodden in occasional tears
but full of certainty and wonder
at your own strength in 
letting go
hold on. 

face it, you're just on the doorstep.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

clichés in movement

preparation to encourage
living a day to day focused only on what
sincerely matters to my path. 
feels right, fluffs the freedom under my wings
and I know it is good what I'm wanting 
good what I'm choosing to follow
and that this big voice in me
will weed out all the small distractions
deigning to hold me back
by their grasp
of ownership. 

I lead, in act ll, with an opening scene of 

the windows in my soul smile so hard
it spreads to my face and my hands and my work and all the words that flow forth. 
because moving towards this future creates room for parts of me now that I otherwise would be stranger to.
for this and all new challenges I am grateful. 
deep breath now, live in the gifts.
hope to the rafters!*

*less than 14' by regulation

Sunday, April 5, 2015

the same

i don't know but sometimes
it all feels the same. 
game to me and by others 
and aren't we all just in our own
this life ain't gonna slow down
no one
and i brought my best smile
the rest I'll file
under "SPOKEN"
my peace
in these sheets
just doesn't get any more honest
but i guess
these days are bound to happen
only if i happen to
what my future self 
told me
sold me
in the dream that lives right along side my 
other motions and tells me
'get it right, give it all'
because you only have today and
anyone else is
just lying. 
find inside to live fully
your dreams can happen
if you just get up to them. 
wake up to this day
and stand up for what you want
in this middle place
time you stop feelin

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

floating backwards

as we tangle
the cords and our
words over the

bright air
poignant and heavy with the brokenness we all
too dark to keep hidden in the corners of our
hearts anymore.
we listen and
listen inward
speak and
speak out.
bravely sobbing on the other end
in this for different reasons
and wanting it to go forward for the same
and how do you find
you want the person who wants the same things as your heart?
is the dream real?
how do people compromise so much for love?
risks in the night and stepping right down into fear so vivid your
whole being feels like it is
floating backwards

and you survive the emotion.
the compass finally stops swinging
and your pendulum
this way to clarity!
maybe you don't have the answers yet
on what is just right
or what you will regret
the least
decide not to miss out on and
oh maybe
you can twist these cords some more with this one
and find out if the one is yours
or his
or the future's.

conversations into the wires of air.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015


you believed in me


believe in myself.

the way your heart reaches out to caress mine
with encouragement
in the
of incredulity,
the way your voice goes
at the end of
your exclamations!
of sincerity in
The Truth About Who You Are, Melissa.

as you tell me my story,
the lens
in your steady hands,
i feel treasured.
you see me.  the me
i didn't even tell you
the me i just am
and think i so cleverly
from prying spotlights and
agendas out to tear me down.
you see right through the barricade
and sparklers!
and puppies
all in motion and beauty
(look over here! over here!)

to the
of me
that you have seen since you first laid eyes on me
and i


want to do it without you.

join me in my truth, dear love.
i see you back.

Sunday, March 1, 2015


"i'm sorry we don't have forever..."
floats in the background of tears filling the eyes of anyone
watching the father dying and the daughter living until
she starts to die.
nothing is permanent.
we take what we
for granted as it is.
the forever we live in only
because it hasn't ended

habit or consistency, the pulsing of life in the everyday.

rarely is the flower both dead and alive
how the sun does shine
on the living and the dead.

it is your breath.
you choose.

Friday, January 16, 2015

curl into me.

as the smoke hurries upward
what was once a steady flame
begins its end. 
going so quickly it rolls onto and into
transforming the nothing into an
exceptional display of motion and play with light and dark visible
when otherwise this would go unnoticed. 

flickering in the light already lit
this darkness
full of intrigue and wonder
pushing the air out of its way
to display it's spectacular

fireworks in the daytime, the moment gone nearly as abruptly as it came.
we all go. 
and to remember that the end can be as significant as the duration of the light. 
the giving and the receiving, 
hurriedly pushing upwards.