last night i went to a poetry slam. it was good, not as mind blowing as my first time, but good. i went and came home again. i say this to remind you that i am in fact, alive. to remind myself.
alive: having life : not dead or inanimate, aware
inanimate: not endowed with life or spirit
aware: having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge
what will i do with this precious gift? fritter it away?
i read some amazing blogs tonight from a girl i don't know. her words. i couldn't leave her without telling her... here is some of what I said:
"your graceful, honest, earnest, heartfelt, pained, loving words have just hit me, hit my wall. hit my forehead and washed me over. and over, like the ocean. into a miniature sandcastle that looks shocked by what has just occurred. i sit here staring at my screen after reading what you've said since august and several "hm...oh...wow.....WOW''s were spoken in the quiet of early morning when i should be sleeping. when i should be hiding in myself. in my secrets. in my delusion. in my life of safety.
but i am writing to tell you that i will not forget. that these words you have written will never let me forget. to whom much is given, much is required. what am i waiting for? something "bad" to happen to me so i can live up to who i know God has made me to be?! i know he cringes every time i choose death in a selfish 'oh, they don't need me, besides, it'll be uncomfortable'. since when did my life become about living comfortably? since when did i think it was what i wanted? since when did i continue to let my heart slam the door in the face of that small voice of peace and love, beckoning me to choose courage, love and peace? slam it so hard i can't hear it that easily now? i will open the door. i will listen. i will choose the choice of love no matter the cost. no matter the pain or the inconvenience or the unpopularity of it. i will. "
this is all what i deem "good", see? and it is, oh it is. however, i won't leave this here. i will not let this be my blog life, this is my life. that i am aware of having, that i am animated about, that i am grateful for. that i so often do not even think of not having. the life that i breathe in and out while i sleep, trusting that i will wake up again, to have another day. another chance to grow. learn. think. be. new. be content, to be alive, and not wishing for hoping for, always wanting more and waiting until it fits my bill, just grasping that small voice and running until i know i am out of breath and cannot ever do it on my own, but want to cultivate the soil of my heart, and be a constant gardner. get the shit in. thats what helps it grow the best. you know? actually particiapte in living with other people? the thing that used to be known as community? yeah, get the shit in, bring it on. i want it so bad because living this clean sterile lie is killing me as i live.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Sunday, February 5, 2006
I'd like to meet...
So, who actually reads the things on your MySpace page? I always find it riveting to read people's pages; I could literally go for hours. After all, these are the people who make up our world, and while I may love what someone wrote, strongly disagree with it, or feel somewhat challenged by their musings, I am being educated all the same.
FACT: Some of your most brilliant ideas come to you while doing repetitive/monotonous/mundane activities, i.e. showering, chores, driving, singing, talking (if you're a verbal processor like me anyways), walking/running/working out, sitting around, jumping over objects higher than your waist in parking lots (now THAT is fun), working, whatever fits the above description in your life. I'm sure the majority of my happy readers know this.
The point is, today it occurred to me while I was doing dishes, that I really love blogging, and I also really love reading blogs and strangers pages, and that not many people actually read their friends' pages. Dang! I think it is fascinating to find out how everyone processes information/ideas differently because of experiences they've been through in life, thus their responses to it vary greatly. For instance, how do you read the following statement (seriously, go with your gut interpretation): Who I'd like to meet: ? Everyone reads it differently. Some people think it means, "If you could meet anyone alive today on planet earth, who would it be?", others, "If you could get to talk with anyone throughout history, who would you choose?", while more think "Who would I like to meet that I don't already know and is reading this right now?"! Wow! That's a bajillion ways, at least, PLUS, I didn't even think of them all. Good gosh. God is AMAZING.
I cannot believe that we are all taught, for the most part, that we all think the same way(or perhaps more appropriatly, that we all need to learn the same way, for the convience of the education system). We may have been taught to think the same way, but I know it simply isn't true. Otherwise, everything would be orange and we'd all walk around with those whirly beanie hats on and wear ties 7 days a week while singing "Good Morning, George, How Are You?" (old school Veggie Tales). Originality, freedom of thought, brain patterns, logic, influences, nature AND nurture, views on life and what it's all about effect us all in how we come to a conclusion we believe to be right. Man, this is FASCINATING stuff.*
*and by that, I don't mean fluff, it's just that I don't want to take myself too seriously....wait, yes I do! Freshness is here my people and it is freedom, freedom to say what I believe, think about and breathe in MySpace. Yesssss. Just tell them that if they vote for you, all their wildest dreams will come true. Follow your heart, that's what I do.
FACT: Some of your most brilliant ideas come to you while doing repetitive/monotonous/mundane activities, i.e. showering, chores, driving, singing, talking (if you're a verbal processor like me anyways), walking/running/working out, sitting around, jumping over objects higher than your waist in parking lots (now THAT is fun), working, whatever fits the above description in your life. I'm sure the majority of my happy readers know this.
The point is, today it occurred to me while I was doing dishes, that I really love blogging, and I also really love reading blogs and strangers pages, and that not many people actually read their friends' pages. Dang! I think it is fascinating to find out how everyone processes information/ideas differently because of experiences they've been through in life, thus their responses to it vary greatly. For instance, how do you read the following statement (seriously, go with your gut interpretation): Who I'd like to meet: ? Everyone reads it differently. Some people think it means, "If you could meet anyone alive today on planet earth, who would it be?", others, "If you could get to talk with anyone throughout history, who would you choose?", while more think "Who would I like to meet that I don't already know and is reading this right now?"! Wow! That's a bajillion ways, at least, PLUS, I didn't even think of them all. Good gosh. God is AMAZING.
I cannot believe that we are all taught, for the most part, that we all think the same way(or perhaps more appropriatly, that we all need to learn the same way, for the convience of the education system). We may have been taught to think the same way, but I know it simply isn't true. Otherwise, everything would be orange and we'd all walk around with those whirly beanie hats on and wear ties 7 days a week while singing "Good Morning, George, How Are You?" (old school Veggie Tales). Originality, freedom of thought, brain patterns, logic, influences, nature AND nurture, views on life and what it's all about effect us all in how we come to a conclusion we believe to be right. Man, this is FASCINATING stuff.*
*and by that, I don't mean fluff, it's just that I don't want to take myself too seriously....wait, yes I do! Freshness is here my people and it is freedom, freedom to say what I believe, think about and breathe in MySpace. Yesssss. Just tell them that if they vote for you, all their wildest dreams will come true. Follow your heart, that's what I do.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
True dat!
*Bengerman may have inspired the following, in one form or another*
There is nothing more important than the Truth, it is so affective and effective, the only thing I can base my life upon. Not me, my feelings or ideas, but upon Truth, what God says about who He is, who I am and what He tells me in His Word. Truth is not only something to believe in, it's something to live every decision in my life from. I must decide that there is something called absolute truth in the first place. Once I've settled upon that as reality, I can live with a certain view of the world that I believe to be right. Never mind that I know with out a doubt that it is right, since it is what Jesus Christ has told me. I am never uncertain that He has told me the truth, because I believe that He is only motivated by real love for me, and real love does not lie. Ever.
I considered lying to a suprivisor the other night, about mopping the bathroom floor. This is ridiculous for many reasons, a few of them being:
1. I didn't want to admit I had forgotton to mop it in the first place
2. I didn't want to have him tell me to do it then and stay there any longer than the 2 hours it had already taken us to close since it seemed like forever already
3. I figured it was not THAT big of a deal if it was skipped mopping one night out of the week since I didn't feel like doing it
WOW, all of them ridiculous, you see? So, I told him the truth. I was honest with him, and although I didn't know what the reprecussions of my honesty would be, I knew if I let this have power over me, this little lie could change my life because next time, I wouldn't have as hard a time doing it. Sometimes honesty is not only hard to do in the first place, but hard to deal with afterwards. In this case, he told me that I could just do it the next night, which was gracious of him.
You may be thinking "Hmm, a story about mopping the bathroom floor doesn't really seem like blog matieral to me, Melissa..." and you might be right, if you were reading someone else's blog, but you're not. You're reading mine, and I say it is completely valid, in fact if I don't write about bathroom floors then, heaven's, what WOULD I write about!?! =0) Well, you get the gist. It's not so much about bathroom floors as it is about telling the truth, living the truth, and being true to who you are at all costs. Um hm. Oh yeah. True dat.
P.S. I have a phobia about using commas in excess. Please let me know if you think this fear is founded or just that, a phobia.
P.P.S. Also, any and all feedback/personal experiences/what-have-you is supported here in this space of freedom. The truth will set you free.
There is nothing more important than the Truth, it is so affective and effective, the only thing I can base my life upon. Not me, my feelings or ideas, but upon Truth, what God says about who He is, who I am and what He tells me in His Word. Truth is not only something to believe in, it's something to live every decision in my life from. I must decide that there is something called absolute truth in the first place. Once I've settled upon that as reality, I can live with a certain view of the world that I believe to be right. Never mind that I know with out a doubt that it is right, since it is what Jesus Christ has told me. I am never uncertain that He has told me the truth, because I believe that He is only motivated by real love for me, and real love does not lie. Ever.
I considered lying to a suprivisor the other night, about mopping the bathroom floor. This is ridiculous for many reasons, a few of them being:
1. I didn't want to admit I had forgotton to mop it in the first place
2. I didn't want to have him tell me to do it then and stay there any longer than the 2 hours it had already taken us to close since it seemed like forever already
3. I figured it was not THAT big of a deal if it was skipped mopping one night out of the week since I didn't feel like doing it
WOW, all of them ridiculous, you see? So, I told him the truth. I was honest with him, and although I didn't know what the reprecussions of my honesty would be, I knew if I let this have power over me, this little lie could change my life because next time, I wouldn't have as hard a time doing it. Sometimes honesty is not only hard to do in the first place, but hard to deal with afterwards. In this case, he told me that I could just do it the next night, which was gracious of him.
You may be thinking "Hmm, a story about mopping the bathroom floor doesn't really seem like blog matieral to me, Melissa..." and you might be right, if you were reading someone else's blog, but you're not. You're reading mine, and I say it is completely valid, in fact if I don't write about bathroom floors then, heaven's, what WOULD I write about!?! =0) Well, you get the gist. It's not so much about bathroom floors as it is about telling the truth, living the truth, and being true to who you are at all costs. Um hm. Oh yeah. True dat.
P.S. I have a phobia about using commas in excess. Please let me know if you think this fear is founded or just that, a phobia.
P.P.S. Also, any and all feedback/personal experiences/what-have-you is supported here in this space of freedom. The truth will set you free.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Eyes
Ever since forever, I've gotten compliments on my eyes. I really do love my eyes since they allow me to see the world and all kids of amazing things in it constantly. The other day, a guy I'd just met, said I reminded him of a Husky, which he quickly assured me was a huge compliment since he was very fond of Husky's. It was one of those moments when you respond with a smile and a "Well, thanks...I think" and then chuckle. It was nice of him to have noticed, and although most people eventually ask me if my eyes are different colors, I'd never had someone I had known less than 5 minutes say something about it. Anyway, it was hilarious, of course. I'm quite shocked people compliment me at all, in fact. Who am I to be noticed???
So, a question to all my faithful subscribers out there (I believe there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 of you =0)) : What do you think about eyes? In general? About your own? About others? Do you notice them? Do you make an effort to make eye contact with someone when talking with them, or avoid it because it makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you tend to remember what color someones eye's are? Why are they colors?? Thoughts?
I love eyes. They can say so much, and yet, if you don't want them to, your eyes can hide behind your lids and lashes for eternity, shielding you from the probing questions of others' eyes, to see who you really are, into your soul. Eyes, they're fascinating.
So, a question to all my faithful subscribers out there (I believe there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 of you =0)) : What do you think about eyes? In general? About your own? About others? Do you notice them? Do you make an effort to make eye contact with someone when talking with them, or avoid it because it makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you tend to remember what color someones eye's are? Why are they colors?? Thoughts?
I love eyes. They can say so much, and yet, if you don't want them to, your eyes can hide behind your lids and lashes for eternity, shielding you from the probing questions of others' eyes, to see who you really are, into your soul. Eyes, they're fascinating.
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