blatant disregard

we all think we have a shred
of control. we know it's impossible to
cling
regain
have.
but the shroud that covers our reality
let's us sit more comfortably
in the idea
that we have one
solitary bit of it that no one can take.

this falsified notion clouds our thinking
just enough to make the mundane everyday palatable.

then something happens that tears the shroud and pulls the cataracts out
to show
we can not protect ourselves, our loved ones, our fellow bus riders or strangers at the mall.
we are all a part of the lie
because on the other side of this darkness stands truth.
that we are our own solution.
and we have been given the tools to love,
to show regard and investment in our fellow humans.
for this blatant lack of interest in anyone beyond our own pain will be our undoing.

the world can hear it, because it is inside you.
we are all here together.
stand with me now,
fear and truth hold hands with love.

glacier

watch me crack
watch in silent fascination
as my core breaks
into millions of pieces from the deep.
waters churning that have been dormant for
an age.

watch me.
crevices recently memorized
no longer familiar
as they
disappear behind the
new faces
and they go too.

how quickly an eon
can extinct. with so few observers
in it's home.

nature. or grace.
both.

have it all

sometimes I dream of a place
where
you and I
exist
while also
existing
here.
it makes me sad to realize upon waking that we cannot have both.
for when we are together we are no longer ourselves
but us.
and then it makes me happy to realize
we can be both.

upon waking, I realize.

for the time is now

forgive me for my fears they speak
so loudly in all I do
right now
this outburst it isn't me
that you see
but my night terrors
so dark
I can only cling to the scrap of
light
furthest away I can see
that they might in fact, be untrue.

you are real.
so am I.
we.
but the distance and newness makes all this
goodness seem a figment of my imagination
most unkind
rather than the purest truth I have known;
part of me that I met
with you.

venture further with me down this path of unknowing and hold my hand.
we will let go as we find ourselves in this bigger painting,
all the paths we must take alone
as they are part of who we are separate,
joined.

I am learning.
be patient with this new love, my love.
draw a space for me
right next to fear
and be assured
I will choose love every time.
synonym:
LIFE.

I miss you

but not in the way that makes my tears
stream unrelenting because my sadness has taken over my vision.

I miss you
but not in the way that makes all my
sentences
end with an unspoken lackluster for
living without you
in my every moment.

I miss you
but not in the way that the loss of your
face found by my
searching eyes
at the smallest turn of the head
solves all my cares.

I miss you
in the way that says
part of me
is in you
because you discovered it.
and I am yours to keep, like that
secret cave
from your childhood wonder
that you were sure no one else had ever found.

because I am not lost in you.
I am more whole.

I miss you.
in the way of
home.

on a wire

they sit so still
those forms above me
sing silent from my soul
piece because I am part of their ability my disadvantage their loss.
we oppose and present so beautifully
these flighted creatures while
I may fly only inside
and it is me who is the caged
and they who are the singers
and I am one with listening and gawking
at their calling and responding
and enraptured
I crane
to see their beautiful forms above me.

birds on a wire.

earth underneath it all.

this damp earth beneath me
soaks up my unshed tears
knowing all
for there is nothing new under the face of the sun.

nothing.


all is
round
and new
and bright
for although we are far
your heart is my heart.
I know it's delight.
oh love
all is right.

burning

i'm love lost
not forlorn but so close it is
woven into my very skin and the way I breathe
is a new kind of day
since we spoke those three little words.
a phrase so full of power and life and risk and adventure and peace I cannot
contain
this
burning.

you spill into my every thought
step
future self.
I will shout it loud in my head and my heart cannot beat without your name written on it
wouldn't want anything but
US.

oh lord, I am so lost in this burning bush and it is beautiful.
never ending, never consuming
but
encompassing.
I burn for you.

dark corner

if there was a dark corner
of my heart it would be this
one sadness.
not done against me, but out of solidarity and love I stood
along with those
relegated to Auschwitz
unbeknownst to them. either way.

and we were exiled. no one ever knowing the true cause
the case of injustice spanning
wide within the very house
of former promise and hope and unconditional acceptance.

now it is a place to cower from.
those memories in a dark corner
hide from the death on the inside. and
be thankful
you got out with your spirit.
broken though it is; some stolen beauty of innocence.
if only love were perfect.
oh wait...
it is justice I seek, will stand for, in the name of Love. these things I will not hesitate for
nor scoot among the dead whilst the living laugh at their folly.

rise, o soul, and walk out of this prison.
it is just a room full of minds, and yours is your own.
go meet the world with it.

recyclable

like the circle of life
so is the cycle of our love
always giving back and more than enough to go around.

my fear never realized, nightmarish situations now dissipate like mist on a moor once exposed to the sun.

truth of real energy, soul sustenance and forever pushing me to be a better version of myself, in the way we interact.
giving and taking and taking and giving and living every day as normal
on pluto.
for all those friends I thought would be neglected or not thought of or left in my "life before you" hasn't happened.
and won't.
for the kindness in you, the kindness in me, is a foreign kind of moss that grows from our love and seeps over and settles down in every crevice of
our lives
before
Our Life.
we are not changed, but enriched.

which is what I have always dreamed of, boldly hoped for, sought after, thinking a dream to be reality.
if he was the one.

you are love. we are recycled.

vm

i've told you once or twice
told all my friends
it is so nice
to receive
a lovely message
just for me.

but you remembered, took note indeed
that when i speak i mean it
and left me messages,
take heed,
which were so sweet and full of heart
that i vehemently refuse to part.

with the messages.
with you.

moving home

your skin i don't know
your breath i imagine
the way you look when you're relaxed
or rush back inside to get something you've forgotten.

your heart beats as fast as mine
so far away
you are right next to my ear through a thousand miles of air
and your words increase my gasps of incessant surprise and delight.
never before have i known a stranger so well.
never before have i let myself be known.
i do not hold back because this is not all those other times when it wasn't quite right.

spirits asking and offering answers to questions never uttered aloud, but heard all the same.


if this is what being myself with you means, then let us never be apart.

home at long last.
welcome, love.

It is the end.

It is the end
Of something good and powerful
It is the circle of love, the endless life that flows throughout us all. 
Lifting and tilting and spinning us round
The sun
My sun
Who understood my tongue
And yours was intertwined with the
Small of my back and entranced with the way that we were and the freedom you felt
Always what I wanted 
Never quite enough, by choice
Wishing I could fit, him hoping I was willing to stay
Torn between the past of love and memories of shared moments that touched the way I think about what I desire,
And the part of me that knows it wasn't quite right. Wasn't quite the best, although you are so wonderfully kind, and thoughtful and take delight in my smallest of movements. 

You wouldn't let me in. 
The door stayed closed. 
And I walked down the hallway. 

Maybe there are other doors;
That open. 
To hope. 

if in the end

you feel like the world is crashing down and you just can't stand
to be alone
let me in
because i'm right here
if you can see with those glasses on in the dark.
right next to your face.

but this time it won't be the last day or cloud or never mind i got this or frankly i don't know why you give a shit.
if you let me hold your hand we can always see
through the lies in our mouths to
the pain of the beauty of truth
that lies within
our souls.

fly and fall and reach and retch this venom far from your door
and open it
to
let me in.
we can solve this.
if in the end, you want a kinship.