Friday, December 11, 2015


the tearing of my heart
goes whoosh
as all my air is taken and briefly I forget to do even the most basic
during this moment of realization crashing upon realization. 
seeing reality, isn't that the definition?
it hits me and I am deflated momentarily, 
frozen in fear of the pain I am about to experience. the inevitable sucking of life's beauty in sparkle and brightness and cheer. I know it will come back, I am not afraid of that; it's just that the valley always seems
than the last time I was here
when it comes to loosing love. 

for my heart can withstand this, it's not fear of never regaining love in my life, it is the grief of loosing this particular love, that 
the sobs emitting from my mouth
muting the words I try so gallantly to 
sing with as I process. 
the tears running down my face
remind me of you again as I watched you cry them earlier and I think
even that will not happen again. 

one small death, one small goodbye, over and over again. 

until there are no more. and eventually 
the valley is not all I walk in
but there are trees and sunshine and I can remember the beauty in you and in us
without having to wring in my breath and submit to the darkness again. 
because the love I lost with you
was once and not now. 
the whoosh turns out to be time moving again. 

and so I go