i am going to this amazing community of people trying to follow jesus'
life. it is called mosaic and i adore life there. during worship
(which is one of the most distinctly different experience i have all
week) i normally get some words in my head. so i write them down. oh,
i will always post these in the way i write them in my book, so mind
the word placement. it might mean something, who knows! =0] here are
a couple from yesterday:
fangs of death
life for the grip
i would be swallowed alive
alive
aware
animate
able
swallowed, gone.
if.
but o god you were with me.
never alone. alive. acutely aware.
of your breathtaking beauty. sharp!
you never leave me.
never.
you are with me.
fangs gnash.
empty.
this was after communion, but i'd like to hear what is says to you (as i always do):
a contrite piece of bitterness
sorrow
grattitude
in the pocket of my cheek.
slipped in amongst the gluttony.
the rot. but i am dying,
am dead, have died. to
you. myself.
slipped in. my pocket.
i take it again. this death is life.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
GOLDBOND medicated foot powder
GOLDBOND medicated everything. More like, my word is my bond. When I say that you can trust it's for realz.
I was thinking today about the surprised reactions I consistently receive when I follow through on my commitments. Now, this is not so much shocking as the fact that I continually write about ONLY myself. Good Lord. What I have to say always seems somewhat arbitrary. Yessss, freedom. =0} When I say I am going to do something, I do it. No matter what. I feel very bound by my word, once I state my decision I will not change it. Which seems like in future instances could be dangerous and downright stupid, but I'll cross bridges when I come to them, because it'd be pretty hard to do otherwise, now wouldn't it?!
Ok, let me make this a tad bit more specific. Several recent examples include but are not limited to:
-Driving to Dallas for the weeked to visit with my Dad and friend Jen who were there for a conference ( check out www.mannatech.com which will change your LIFE!!!! ) . I told them almost 3 weeks prior I was coming and only a week before hand did they believe/accept I was actually going to be there.
-Telling Angele or Steven I'd take them allll the frick back to their houses from southATX and even though it was the last thing I felt like doing, I did because I had said I would and I am a responsible person. Plus, I love them. =0)
-Making a road trip this summer to CO, IA, MI and back to TX and camping every night in my tent. Along the way and while I'm at peoples houses, I'm determined to do it, it's only 2 weeks, yet people are already getting on my case.
-Being on time in circumstances within my control, or allowing extra time for delays to impede my progress and still arriving on time for appointments. I am late rarely, or with a few friends I know don't care. =0)
-Being committed to my goals, and not going to bed just because I'm tired. I try and talk myself out of negative attitudes frequently, it works. People wonder how I am so positive most of the time, I have decided it's a richer way to live my life.
-Taking on the job as one of four people in charge of PR for the state of TX for Invisible Children's Displace Me event here in Austin on April 28th, 2007.
Now I have 4 jobs, one of which I am not paid monetarily for (no, I don't get gallons of Seabond in return, I just give them my time and efforts and I get the knowledge that I am making a difference in a complete strangers life, so that they have a chance to truly live). I don't get that much sleep, some major life changing shit is going down in my life right now, I'm feeling pressure from all sides, overwhelmed. Yet I will not give up. I WILL NOT. Because I have said I never will. For that is the truest test of my word, my bond, my life, my soul and reason.
The definition of courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. Synonyms COURAGE, METTLE, SPIRIT, RESOLUTION, TENACITY. I'll add one: gorgeous. This is my breath and no one can take it from me, for I will never die. This is not an end, but a begining, an opportunity to learn, grow and struggle, discuss ideas I'd always seen as BLACK and WHITE and realize I don't even know how to describe my naivete on the color grey. To change my opinions but never my ideas, to rewrite my future with invisible ink. To hold my word as my GOLDBOND medicated everything.
It hurts the same no matter what you do, but I have to answer to myself and Jesus and I wanna pick things that'll make us both really pleased and brilliant. Jesus' smile I imagine is more blinding than the gum commercials.
I was thinking today about the surprised reactions I consistently receive when I follow through on my commitments. Now, this is not so much shocking as the fact that I continually write about ONLY myself. Good Lord. What I have to say always seems somewhat arbitrary. Yessss, freedom. =0} When I say I am going to do something, I do it. No matter what. I feel very bound by my word, once I state my decision I will not change it. Which seems like in future instances could be dangerous and downright stupid, but I'll cross bridges when I come to them, because it'd be pretty hard to do otherwise, now wouldn't it?!
Ok, let me make this a tad bit more specific. Several recent examples include but are not limited to:
-Driving to Dallas for the weeked to visit with my Dad and friend Jen who were there for a conference ( check out www.mannatech.com which will change your LIFE!!!! ) . I told them almost 3 weeks prior I was coming and only a week before hand did they believe/accept I was actually going to be there.
-Telling Angele or Steven I'd take them allll the frick back to their houses from southATX and even though it was the last thing I felt like doing, I did because I had said I would and I am a responsible person. Plus, I love them. =0)
-Making a road trip this summer to CO, IA, MI and back to TX and camping every night in my tent. Along the way and while I'm at peoples houses, I'm determined to do it, it's only 2 weeks, yet people are already getting on my case.
-Being on time in circumstances within my control, or allowing extra time for delays to impede my progress and still arriving on time for appointments. I am late rarely, or with a few friends I know don't care. =0)
-Being committed to my goals, and not going to bed just because I'm tired. I try and talk myself out of negative attitudes frequently, it works. People wonder how I am so positive most of the time, I have decided it's a richer way to live my life.
-Taking on the job as one of four people in charge of PR for the state of TX for Invisible Children's Displace Me event here in Austin on April 28th, 2007.
Now I have 4 jobs, one of which I am not paid monetarily for (no, I don't get gallons of Seabond in return, I just give them my time and efforts and I get the knowledge that I am making a difference in a complete strangers life, so that they have a chance to truly live). I don't get that much sleep, some major life changing shit is going down in my life right now, I'm feeling pressure from all sides, overwhelmed. Yet I will not give up. I WILL NOT. Because I have said I never will. For that is the truest test of my word, my bond, my life, my soul and reason.
The definition of courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. Synonyms COURAGE, METTLE, SPIRIT, RESOLUTION, TENACITY. I'll add one: gorgeous. This is my breath and no one can take it from me, for I will never die. This is not an end, but a begining, an opportunity to learn, grow and struggle, discuss ideas I'd always seen as BLACK and WHITE and realize I don't even know how to describe my naivete on the color grey. To change my opinions but never my ideas, to rewrite my future with invisible ink. To hold my word as my GOLDBOND medicated everything.
It hurts the same no matter what you do, but I have to answer to myself and Jesus and I wanna pick things that'll make us both really pleased and brilliant. Jesus' smile I imagine is more blinding than the gum commercials.
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