once again i am brought to my knees with how fickle my heart is. it is totally unreliable when it comes to making decisions based off feelings rather than listening to god. i know he speaks through my heart often, and i am not to ignore those nudges of grace and love, but i so often do, and push ahead with my own ambitions. i am an ambitious person, i will always go after what i want. i am sure you know this. =0) but i also want to SCREAM at myself sometimes to WAIT ON THE LORD in whatever fashion that means at the moment i am tempted to give into what i think i want and deserve so badly, even if it means making a mistake. i i i i i i i...it's all about me.
so that brings me back to the realization that i know even less than i had hoped and want jesus even more than i can know for i am IN want, i want everything HE has for me. nothing less. nothing! my heart is fickle and my legs weak to run the race. but if i seek him out before i even begin, and at every water stop along the way, every moment of hesitation, he will be faithful in guiding me to just the right spot. where there are quiet streams and he has my heart in his heart and i am safe. and known. and loved. and held up above the raging storms around me. surrounded in the middle of his love.