Tuesday, February 23, 2010

jerks like a knee

this pain jerks me awake
so cruel, like a joke that's not kidding.
no warning, no permission granted, but it sears just the same.
my head throbs and my nerves squeal
cease and desist!
i give uuuuuuuup.
i can't handle this, god!
is what i yell through the most honest, unstoppable tears i have dropped in years.
the flood comes, night after painful night, when i haven't even wanted it, worked for it, sought it out.

this water falling from my eyes belies a heart fresh in healing from pain just as severe.
a root canal can fix only one of these things, and that is unfortunate
but bliss in the end.
because if i could, go to the doctor, and have him fix everything wrong with me
and get a prescription to kill this, numb it, i wouldn't. no, because he can only know so much, you see
and i need to know all
of me
before i can fix it.

even then
i can really only hold it together with band-aids and wishes
that god will hold me tight in the palm of his soul and protect me when the wave threatens again
in the middle of the night
this pain
i didn't ask for, but have and can't make go away.
if only a root canal could fix that.

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