Friday, December 19, 2014

the deliberation of all this time

if i pause long enough in my spinning with the world and all
it's fancies
i hear it loud and clear right below the noise
"you miss him. this is unprecedented, given you just spoke to
him mere hours ago."
and i wake up at 2am and again at 4
presumably because i am cold
(under my cozy comforter)
wide awake
waiting for something i shouldn't expect, another call.
we said "goodbye" for his trip already.
but i look for whatever must have woke me as though it were a
tangible thing
when i know 
this feeling is it.
he must be awake too. 
worried. wondering. hoping.

i almost reach for the phone, because that is what we do
when we want something
immediately try to satisfy the want.
realizing i want to satisfy it not for him but for me
makes me stop, and instead
review the hopes i shared in hushed
tones over the phone for his time away.
and that is enough.
i cannot change his being gone for my  wants
because his wants are just as important
to me.
give him peace of mind to leave on
and return with.
god speed.

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