if i pause long enough in my spinning with the world and all
i hear it loud and clear right below the noise
"you miss him. this is unprecedented, given you just spoke to
him mere hours ago."
and i wake up at 2am and again at 4
presumably because i am cold
(under my cozy comforter)
waiting for something i shouldn't expect, another call.
we said "goodbye" for his trip already.
but i look for whatever must have woke me as though it were a
when i know
this feeling is it.
he must be awake too.
worried. wondering. hoping.
i almost reach for the phone, because that is what we do
when we want something
immediately try to satisfy the want.
realizing i want to satisfy it not for him but for me
makes me stop, and instead
review the hopes i shared in hushed
tones over the phone for his time away.
and that is enough.
i cannot change his being gone for my wants
because his wants are just as important
give him peace of mind to leave on
and return with.