adjustment

do you know, my left leg has been 1/2 an inch shorter than my right for the past 3 months? for serious!

i went to my new chiropractor last week and gave him the ld on my recent injuries and mentionables. on a whim, i mentioned my dream. no, i'm not talking about my dream of being in the olympics as a gymnast! *sigh* i have such a vision for my floor routine and the balance beam...WOW.

no, my dream about my left hip. in this dream, it was broken. i could feel the grinding of the broken bones, and i was trying to set it. but no matter how hard i tried, it wouldn't set. that was the dream in its entirety. really weird because it is one of about 5 dreams i actually remember. my sister sent me this link: http://www.sawlogs.net/dictionary_hello/definitions/definition.php?definition_id=60 and i couldn't believe how accurate it seemed.. since the dream, i have had problems with my left hip. can't do certain moves on the medicine ball, pain in my back as a result of over compensation from burpees (you know, the navy seals shiznit)- just a really disappointing performance from my body!

so i told all this to dr. chris, feeling something of a kinship with "those people that tell those kind of totally unrelated and dramatic details to their chiropractors", and he nodded and 'um hm'ed, like he actually believed me. he is pretty much the best dr. i have ever been to, i'll tell you that right now. and not solely because of what he did to adjust my hips or my back or even make my legs the same length again. but for the simple fact that he listened to me, took into account what affect this dream may have had on my physicality and allowed for it to be true. i don't know why that made such a huge impact on me, but i think it must be that
i don't let many people do that for me.
believe in me
get in my head
respect me not for things i do but for the person i am.
i don't let them in, because i don't want to be so honest back with them.
because i don't want to evaluate myself in my response, it's ugly.


ooooh.


the saaame old shit. GEEZ! when am i going to adjust myself so that i am NOT myself? huh, when? first a hip, then my back, continually i want my heart. to break into a million tiny pieces i can't put back together the same way again. it's not right, it's broken now. see?


this is my pattern of growth. discover the habit. break it. make a better one. and i will break as much as it takes to find a new way to live. because some things in me are OH so good! and some are not.
i will live again like never before. THIS is the
unprecedented future i long for. in this breath.


broken and planted.