To my Dad on Father's Day 2011

On this day we celebrate
Those who shape and integrate
Their lives into different places
They never could have imagined.
Who they would become
To whose they would become
For others they love with all they are
To see how they become themselves
Fathers
Children
Mothers
Brothers
Wives
Sisters
Husbands
Families.

This year on this day I press before you a word: love.
Selflessness gets often used but it can never fully do what love can.
Which is unexplainable. Incomprehensible. Unreal to the human with all it's flaws and gaping holes of self.
This phenom is only witnessed once: in the love of the Father for his children. He does not love them for what they can do for him, although they are great and tender creatures, he does not love them for what they can provide for Him, because he is the ultimate Creator. No He loves them because they are His. Given as gifts
Given as life
Given from Love to love.

So Dad, this Father's Day I want you to know, that I love you at base
not because you have given me countless gifts of yourself, your soul, over my lifetime and will continue to do so as long as you live,
not because you have given me life and an invaluable outlook on living and risking and responsibility and caring for our fellow man,
not only because you have loved me unconditionally in the best way you knew how without question.
I love you because you came from Love and you live it every moment you've got.
Thank you for being my Father, just the way my soul needed.
Happy Father's Day!

i've found it.

"in the beginning god created the heavens and the earth. now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the spirit of god was hovering over the waters."

there is nothing that can explain this great mystery, no understanding i can come to.
and i feel it still.

hovering.


thanks be to god.

give me credit, credit i say!

this is my work, you know, all mine.
i mean, i thought of the idea and made it happen
all by myself.
if anyone offered to help i quickly shot them down.  if they had,
why, i'd have to share the glory.  and i'm not about to do that!

see this thing?  it's so shiny, eh?  yeah well that's cause i polished it
and sharpened it and created this new thing from the old.
well please stop being jealous, because i'm not sharing.

if you think i have no right to be this haughty you've got another
thought comin', man.  because this is what i fashioned out of what was left.
no leftovers of those for you!  i swear, if one more person asks me to drop what
i am doing to help them on their project, i will scream so loud it will bust your noise catchers!
no!  i'm not here to assist!  i'm just here for me.  me and my spear.

off into the wild i go.
no, stop following me.

rain

when the things you feel are
so right
so atypical
and you know you are at peace
step into it.

when the people seem so full
and angry all the time
so very much unrest
step into it.

when your fear grabs your throat
you can't shake it with your
might
step into it.

for these things are all
temporal and the goodness shall not last
nor the darkness and the shadows
step into it.
rain beats a new drum, an old drum.  one that will not end
rain
rain
on this dry soul.

clock's kiss

the clock ran out
my last has come
and i've known it.
what did i do to make this haiku
of my life as amazing as i felt it?

the seethe has quieted and my soul is still
weightless for once and forever.
what comes next i have no idea

pure love.


how then i feel i have so much left to do in this dirty world?
where grime and much pain abound as freely as dandelion seeds on a breeze.
why would i hold on, say, "i'm not done yet- NO!"
for
one
simple
kiss?

the times i have thought of this are many
times i have been asked what i would do if i knew my clock?
never.
but i would want to hold on, for one kiss.  so that i can know.  
what it is like on the other side.




"as i went down in the river to pray 
studying about that good old way
and who shall wear the starry crown
good lord, show me the way

sinners let's go down,
let's go down, come on down,
o sinners let's go down,
down in the river to pray "

-down in the river to pray: hymn.

if i could build a wall

it would implode upon itself
so
slowly
moss would start to grow
and flowers would take root
springing up here and there
and every neglected place.
in the wall's stead would rest
a garden so unimaginably quaint and flourishing
even i wouldn't recognize it.

the wall would be broken and left to surprise and delight would be nothing
but beauty.



as i break down my wall
this moss creeps in.
and it is lovely.

Ass

We breathe
As He breathes
The ass on the road with this heavy load
One he did not expect. 
Thinking grass and leisure were his lot
Instead besot
With a rider, nay two, and journey with no telling when he would be stopped. 
Arriving was as anti-climatic as could be, for though the load diminished, the burden still he couldn't shake. These others he did not know, their smells unfamiliar and unwelcoming. He just wanted to go home, even if he had to go all the way back, with all the stoping and starting and gasps and concern. This was not his place, this was not his night and certainly not his grass. 

But then the noises ceased and a new one started. He couldn't tell what that baby wanted, but it wasn't feeling too fond of the straw, the ass knew that. Maybe if they put it somewhere more comfortable. You know, like, not in my manger, maybe if you held it he would stop hollering. 

Then the noise got worse instead of better!  For though the baby quieted down, the others started arriving. First the innkeeper, telling them to keep it down out there and not disturb all the paying guests, for heavens sake. Then these sheep herders, and MAN did they reek!  Brought some of their livestock with em and they weren't friendly either. Bleating and messing up the place even worse!  The people seemed happy to receive them though, after the herders told them what they'd seen. Whatever the reason, I wish they'd quiet down about it, the ass mumbles to himself. Come back tomorrow, I'm SURE we'll still be here. 

And then. Oh no then that was not even the end.  More men came. Now these, they smelled ok, like travel, but at least they had tried to cover it up with extravagant perfumes. Oh wait no, they left them here. Odd. Ok well at least they only insisted upon staying the one night, lord knows there wasn't enough room for them all.  

Ahh.  Peace and quiet now. Maybe I can finally drift off....nope. There goes that baby again. Man for being so tiny you'd think he wouldn't be so loud. Feed that baby, mamma. And please don't put him back in my manger. I might as well eat too now that I'm awake. His breathing rhythms and mine does too. The ass on Christmas morning.